When you find out someone close to you is unexpectedly pregnant, be confident that you can handle the situation correctly and appropriately if you just listen with an open heart, without blame, scolding, or ignoring, and be aware of your own feelings and emotions.
4 things to do when you find out someone close to you is unexpectedly pregnant, to help you face the problem and support your loved one more effectively
1. “Realize that you are important” When someone close to you decides to tell you they are “unexpectedly pregnant,” it means you are the most important person in their life, someone they trust and believe can help solve this significant problem in their life. Do not push them to face the problem alone.
2. “Be aware of your own emotions and feelings” As soon as you find out someone close to you is unexpectedly pregnant, feelings of shock, anger, sadness, and disappointment may overwhelm you. Just acknowledge these emotions and feelings. You need to manage these emotions and feelings appropriately, perhaps by focusing on your breathing, taking deep breaths in and long breaths out for 5-10 cycles, which will help you calm down, be mindful, and ready to listen.
3. “Listen attentively” Listening attentively without judgment or blame can be difficult, but it is the most important and valuable thing. You must realize that they are about to share the most important story, something they may have never told anyone before. By just listening and being by their side, you will understand and feel the unspoken feelings and suffering. Body language, a face full of worry, eyes that may not dare to meet yours.
4. Use creative questions to lead to solutions. Avoid questions that blame the respondent by starting with why, such as:
“Why did you sleep with this man?”
“Why did you let yourself get pregnant?”
“Why didn’t you use contraception?” “Why…….etc.”
These questions will only make the woman who is unexpectedly pregnant feel more distressed, and many will feel even more self-punishing.
But we should remain calm and use open-ended questions to encourage joint thinking and planning to solve the problem together.
Encourage conversation to show that there are solutions and options for solving the problem, such as:
“How do you feel right now?”
“Is there anything you want to share about what happened?”
“What are you worried about?”
“What would you like … to help with?” etc.
But if you are not ready to listen, take a moment to prepare yourself to talk, because what happened is important to her life. Importantly, do not talk to her if you cannot control your emotions, but give yourself time to manage your emotions, biases, and anything that might hurt the feelings of your loved one.
Source: Life has choices: Hundreds of ways to find a solution